A narcissist is charming, charismatic, and have a high sense of self-importance and require constant admiration. They are very attractive.

However, the way people with a narcissistic personality disorder are operating is not healthy.

Here are some of the symptoms of NPD:

• lack of empathy
• Avoid to answer clearly to any questions
• Concealing income and earnings
• Blame others for their own behaviour and issues
• Jealous, cheaters and envious
• Lying and strongly believe in their own lies
• Make you feel guilty
• Tend to criticise and devalue
• Disregard your needs
• Two-faced
• Isolating your from your friends, family, colleagues
• Simulating domestic abuse
• Imagine love stories, fabricate fiction

It depends!

Paths to narcissism are a bit blurry but most of the time NPD can be found at an early stage.

• Parents who value their child achievements but devalue their feelings
• Lack of attention
• Parents emotionally distant and neglectful
• Manipulation

One of narcissist manipulation tactics is gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative behaviour designed to weaken, trick destabilize and even control the victim. Gaslighters are common liars, and they deny they did or said something that you know they did or said.

The main goal of a narcissist is to hide their own personality and who they are to those around.

• Love bombing: a narcissist will tend to compliment and bombard you with great gestures, like expensive gifts, incredible restaurants and make you feel the biggest catch in the world. It’s because of this that it is really difficult to spot at the beginning of a relationship and also it’s exactly what you were looking for.
• Control: a narcissist will keep you in an anxious and submissive situation. Their goal is vicious as they don’t want you to be aware of it.
• Brainwashing: a narcissist will try to convince you into believing their point of view about everything and you will because when you first met it was great.
• Playing the victim: their behaviour is only because of someone else’s especially you. A narcissist wants to gain pity or sympathy and try to blame other for their behaviour. Thus a narcissist will pretend to be very sick, to have financial issues whereas they are sparing, will explain to your relatives and friends that he supports you no matter what whereas you feel depressed.

Playing the victim will allow a narcissistic to isolate you from your relatives, friends and all the people close to you and force you to protect them.

• Emotional blackmail: the main goal of this tactic is to make sure that you feel scared to cross them and to feel guilty if you resist. Because of this sick tactic and to avoid their revenge, you will put yourself in danger for them.

Suicide is a tactic often used by narcissist. They will pretend they are nothing without you, playing with you and your family. On the top of that they will threaten you to reveal things they know about you if you want to leave them or with your children warning you won’t see them again.

• Stalk and monitor: it’s a common tactic used by narcissist. They will monitor your computer and phone, use CCTV equipment to follow your moves. They want to keep on eye on you. During a separation to remain in your heart and brain they will overwhelm you with text messages and calls.
• Confusion & invalidation is a tactic used by a narcissist to put things in your brain. The goal is for you to question your own feelings and thoughts.
• Two-faced: a narcissist is very friendly, helpful and lovable outside your relationship whereas with you, the mask falls off. They act and are so kind to everyone else that no one outside your relationship can think or see you’re suffering. People around are fooled by their behaviour so talking to them about the hell you’re in, is impossible.

The short terms effects of emotional abuse can impact mental and physical health. You can feel:

• Guilt: narcissists play the victim to make you feel guilty
• Doubting self-worth
• Loss of sense of self
• Anxious
• Sleep issues
• Tired
• Eating disorder
• Etc

To sum up you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

 It depends!

There is no rule.

Narcissists can target:

• People who are successful
• People who are ambitious
• People who are strong

On the other hand, narcissists can target:

• People with vulnerabilities
• People with poor self-esteem
• People with DPD (dependent personality disorder)

It won’t be a one-night process.

You need to get ready.

These are some steps to escape a narcissist:

• Prepare before leaving as saving money
• Build a support system such as seeking for a psychologist or therapist to put away reminders of the relationship
• Avoid unnecessary conversations with the narcissist. Don’t say anything about your plan.
• Don’t react to their comments, threats and all their lies
• Don’t believe they will change, they won’t. This is not your war to make them change. You’re not a social worker.
• If you’re married and want a divorce, you have to immediately seek for a lawyer specialised in narcissist relationship and get evidence as much as you can, text messages, record phone calls…

Divorcing a narcissist is extremely difficult.

You should find confidence within yourself to get out of this abusive situation. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.

If you’re divorcing or separating from a person with a NPD and there are financial and children issues to be resolved, you must contact a lawyer specialised in NPD.

Preparing for court against a narcissist is vital and remember to document everything. If the situation gets worse and it will, you must prove that you are a good parent. It’s essential to keep written and pictured records of what you’re doing with and for your child.

These records will show to the Family law judge that you take very good care of your child and you’re a good mother or father.

In family court, a narcissist will recruit other to attack you so we will advice you to start a therapy even before a separation to serve a professional statement.

Remember to document and evidence all the earning, assets, incomes and expenses of the family as a narcissist will hide their earning and all the rest of it.

That’s a tough one too.

Document the bounds you have with your children and what you’re doing with and for them. Make videos, take pictures …and show that your children are in safe hands.

Divorcing a narcissist can last several years and can cause injuries to your self-esteem and financial security, so it’s very important to be prepared.

We strongly encourage not to take any action before the children’s court without a family law lawyer specialised in narcissist. Indeed, most of the time our office receives enquiries after the first hearing and the child is already in foster care. Contact us!

Breaking up with a narcissist is the first day of the rest of your life.

This break-up is the first step to your freedom.

Toxic relationships will leave you feeling you’re mad. You’re not mad you are or were in a mad relationship. Most of the time, at the beginning of the healing process victims have hard time by still blaming themselves and experience more pain. Denial can protect you. But denying will prevent you from addressing it and healing.

To heal and get back on track is to seek for a therapist. Don’t waste your time and get some help.

They will do their best to look as saintly as possible and at the same time they will try to make you look like the crazy person. Projection is a key manipulation. They’ve done this their entire relationship with you, why would the court be different?

They will employ their narcissistic tactics on the judge. They will fall on the drama side and play victims. They will pretend abuse and will report you to the police whereas you’ve done nothing wrong. They can hit themselves against a wall and call it a slap!

You will be tricked all along the proceedings. That’s why you really have to surround yourself with a lawyer specialised in narcissism to avoid those tricks and to fight with you.